So my last few blog posts were pretty angry posts. I was mad, angry, upset and hurt by a lot of things at once. This was the start of a very hard, depressing time for me. In my last post, you'll notice that I had been hanging out with this guy. I thought we were friends. I thought things were great. We had the usual argument here and there and I let him say things to me that weren't so nice. I just took it as he's mad. I let him say things to me that were so hurtful and degrading and I never thought twice about walking away. I let him control me and he ended up verbally and emotionally abusing me to the point that I ended up at my rock bottom. He told me how horrible of a person I was, how immature I am, and all the reasons nobody wanted to be with me. All of this started last summer and I just let it continue on...I was brainwashed.
January 3, I came down with the flu. A week and a half later, I was still coughing and was diagnosed with bronchitis. While being sick and out of work, I still let him put me down, call me names and tell me how worthless he thought I was. All of those hurtful words turned to lots and lots of tears on top of all the coughing and hurting. I ended up with pleurisy and in more pain than I ever imagined. So much, that I ended up in the ER. They gave me some pain meds and sent me home.
A few days later, I knew something was seriously wrong with me when I looked at the bottle of Percocet and wondered how many it would take to make all the pain go away, pain from coughing, being hurt by the words...everything.
At this point, I knew I had to talk to someone. I saw my doctor and a counselor and was diagnosed with depression. After several meetings with the counselor and some medication, I finally was "myself" again. Depression apparently can affect ANYONE at ANY age. I realized that I'm not the crazy one. I'm not the worthless one and I'm not the one that really needed help. I'm just the one that got brainwashed into thinking all of those things about me and he is the one that needs help. Soon after all of this, I blocked the crazy guy's number and have not seen or heard from him in months...life is so much better now. I recommend to anyone that is having a hard time, go talk to a counselor. Talking to friends is great, but talking to a stranger who is unbiased and you know won't judge you is so freeing and makes you feel so much better.
With that said, I became closer to my best friends and realized that they have nothing but love for me and only want the best for me. My friends were there when I needed them the most and I will be forever grateful and appreciative for that. Just knowing that I could lay around with my best friend all weekend and watch NCIS marathons with her and not really say anything was what I needed one weekend, and Emily didn't seem to mind one bit. Live you :)
About the time I blocked his number, I met Jason. He could not have been put in my life at a better time. We instantly struck up good conversation and realized we had a lot in common...I mean he is ONLY 4 days older than me. Jason and I have been dating for almost 2 months now and things are going great. He makes me smile more than anyone else has before and he makes sure that I'm happy. He knows my past and is helping me to move past all of that.
Life is so much better now and means so much more to me. I smile more, I laugh more, I talk to my friends more. I had become someone I wasn't and it wasn't fun anymore. I'm just glad I realized it before it got too serious. Now that I'm back to "me," my plan is to lose those last few pounds I need to lose and feel even better about who I am today. And with it being summertime, I'm very excited about having Fridays off and soaking up the sun...yes, I promise to wear sunscreen, but I'm going to need my tan :)
2 comments:
Our biggest storms come at the right times in our life to prep us for our rainbows! You stay positive, and don't let anyone take your sparkle! Let the misery overtake other people while you keep your happiness! Love you girl!
Your strength shows through in this post! I know it took a lot to be so open. But I'd put money on it that this will help others. Glad you are back to enjoying life :)
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